Check List:
- Fat ✓
- Sad ✓
- +40 years old ✓
- Virginity Intact ✓
- Balding ✓
- No Friends ✓
- No Skill ✓
- Complete Pussy ✓

If you called me any of these, you're probably mad... Here is a video to calm you back down:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IVJCbbg_vI